Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
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10:03 am - phazers
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how did we phase out live journal?
when was the last time i posted? when was the last time i cared enough to post? when was the last time i knew enough about my own feelings to post?
in this ever changing world of tv, the internet, and i pods what is the constant factor? its totally not the people we know or the routines we share. it's not music, or clothes. the emotions of love and hate are to fickle to be a constant.
with the high light of my week being serving salads full of glass, i have to wonder about the path i chose in life. will all this hard work pay off? these are supposed to be the best times of our lives. if that is true i can not handle what is to come.
current mood:  stressed
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Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
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5:40 pm - dentists, cats, and heat oh my
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a new year is a new chapter is a new life
and we drink to believe in new beginings
youd have to be drunk to believe in a clean slate
i miss...
i dont even know what i miss anymore
my sanity or lack there of
nh or a sence of a home
my friends or a lack of responsibility
love or being loved
these are all questions or answers who even know
i dont think i want to know (wait is that an answer?)
old loves invade a new life
as i just grow more tired
how did i get so old
yet my eyes stayed so young?
and if this is supposed to be the best time of my life what comes next?
and if your willing to mature for love does that mean your pushing a natural time line?
and if you never actually touch the wall how do we help going through it?
my mouth hurts bring on the pain killers.
current mood:  accomplished
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 10th, 2006
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10:03 pm - penguines that fight in the night
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i'm sick with stress, not like im sick of it but its making me sick.
i need a happy phone call
i need someone to love me and tell me it will be ok
or it could just be the mold in my apartment making me sick
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, November 26th, 2006
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6:27 pm - the moon
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and the moon in all its splendor and glory is out of reach.
but what if it wasn't?
what if you could picnic on the moon in an anti-gravity wonder?
i think if i made it to the moon i would long for saturn.
because i'm always being swept off my feet.
and the moon isnt all its cracked up to be.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
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2:08 am - dont die on me now
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so in the past week i found out my "friend" is going to iraq, two people i know have died, and had my heart broke. so mr. world got anything else to try and get me down? this rollercoaster of emotions is so fucked up its derailed. i want to help everyone but i cant even help myself or figure out how i feel. im numb from nothing and everything all at once. seriousally who dies of cancer? and who commits suicide? and why does everyone still expect me to smile. no one gives a shit about how i feel, everyone else just needs to bitch and be told it will all be alright. well fuck, ill be damned if i even pick up my phne in the next week. i cant handle another funeral, i cant handle another heart break, i cant handle another day.
current mood:  emotionally exhausted
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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10:40 am - fuck forgetting math notes
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i should be doing 2 weeks of math homework.... but i forgot some math password. who needs a password for homework? and who has math homework online?
i've hit a rut. but im not even in a rut is the thing. ive got a new job. i just started shcool back up. maby it's just an emotional rut. or maby it's a rochester rut.
this song is talking about doing it with the lights on its so ridiculous.
i'm officially divorced. well i might be my dear darling (maby) ex husband wont let me look over the paper work. who gives a shit? i don't.
i don't want to kiss boys anymore. i think there might be something wrong with me.
later gator
current mood:  indescribable
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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
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8:00 pm - you can play the strings of my heart
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life is a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get.
well this week i got a carmel (im going to nyc to see rent)
i got a coconut (a new job offer)
and i got the icky kind with nuts and fruit (i broke a boys heart)
oh the box of chocolates was given to me by my new boyfriend (he's emo and plays the guitar).
plus my husband wants me to lose the last name.
current mood:  devious
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Friday, July 21st, 2006
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6:15 pm - drunken dinosaurs
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were are the rainbows, puppies and sugar plum faries?
if life is just another grain of sand on the beach, or another star to burn out why do we try?
we wake up each and every day. commited that today will be the day that matter, today we will change everything we are and were in the past. that somehow we can justify the past mistakes of our "youth". youth being our excuses for our mistakes. for we didnt know any better then, but what is the excuse now? can i truely say i have learned anything from my failures. has my spontaniety stopped, or become more reasonable. have my insecurities become my securities? has my duff addiction given way to anything more then a constant nagging in the back of my head for more. have i truly changes who i am through my mistakes, or just lead myself to believe so.has moving to ny bettered me? i still rush into risky situations with boys. still find myself under the influnce at work, and associating myself with the wrong people. turning my back on reason and still holding grudges. is there a change for me?
i go to colerado at the end of the summer to look for a new school. a new life. one to make the same mistakes again. because as much as i hate to admit i love making my mistakes and i think that is why it will never stop. the viscious cycle is MY cycle. tis all i know, and what are we but what we know?
waiting to hear from you
a loving girl from ny
current mood:  confused
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Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
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2:53 pm - heres to you mrs robinson
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knock knock...
who's there...
divorce
divorce who?
just divorce.
yes its true meh you win some you lose some...
this is pretty much just a loss but i'll get throught it and i got some good stories.
just wish this was actually happening for some reason.
like justifying it would help in any way.
current mood:  uncomfortable
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
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12:04 am - i will clean out your skull with a pozessed ice cream spoon
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how do you spell pozessed?
im getting mad antsy in rochester. i need to get out and do something.
i think me and papows are good again.
i think a unicorn would be rad. or maby a dog with a horn fastened to its head. yeah id be happy then.
CLASSES ARE DONE WHOO HOO
i think i just wanna sit and read.
or maby sleep
maby sleeppppppppppp
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, May 7th, 2006
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8:31 pm - the after math
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you know how you feel when you wake up from a dream and can't quite remember what happened? that is what my days feel like. i know yesterday happened but ill be damaned if i can remember them.
i think im an alcoholic.
i missed a red light today and almost gor t-boned by a car, thank god the other driver way paying attention.
just got a paisley tattoo. i think im addicted.
could have gone to nyc but fucking dennys kept me late and i missed my ride.
my husband hurt me and as sweet as he is it doesn't make me feel better about anything. there are so many good times, but this hurt is bad.
i like the zoo
my mom is comming to visit.
current mood:  drunk
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Monday, April 24th, 2006
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8:00 pm - the tricerotops rocks out with its cock out
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Saturday, March 25th, 2006
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1:10 am - hello world
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i want to kill everything
i want to stop trying
this is to hard
why did i even care to begin with?
well i dont
i quit
im fat
im going to bed
i want to come home
i need away from this shit depressing place
and my husband sucks ass right now
i understand boys suck but this hurts
i hate everyone
or just this place and the man i married
but can i hate a man after one shit day?
i like how my only punctuation is a question mark
like my fucking life
current mood:  pugalist
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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2:48 pm - i'll saddle up your salamander
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fun facts about traveling
if you check in last for a flight they will bump you
if you tell a stewerdes she is uneducated (even if it is an accident ) you will not get a flight that day
and lastly if you are actually in a good mood and skip through a metal detector at an airport they will take you aside and poke you with a metal rob
fun facts about spending time with family
if your mother is so happy to see you she cries and you dont then your unsensitive
if there is an artic wind chill dont go on a walk
if you dont look both ways before crossing the street your a dumb ass because i saw an elk look both ways yesterday
if your brother is getting mad it is your fault
yee haw another week with the family
im out like liek a fat chick at the gym
current mood: crappy
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Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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7:30 pm - she's gone away but she's here to stay
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being married +1
taking 5 classes -1
trying to communicate with the husbands parental units -1
getting a new job +1
haveing the rest of my hours cut at my old job -1
went to a show +1
going to LA +1
taking wrong bus then vomiting while walking on the side of the road in LA -1
getting an awesome new place +1
actually packing all of my husbands shit -1
being sick -1
missing home -1
seeiming to be the reason of dispair for my husbands parents -1
finally feeling like i have a purpose in life +1
living a healthier life +1
going home to visit in April +1
embracing my new life +1
=
+1 ok as long as i end up with a positive i can do this
current mood:  amused
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Saturday, December 31st, 2005
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8:34 pm - mrs.papows
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so i fucking love being married,,, hes so good to me he called me at work to see what i would want when i got home from work.... hes better to me then i could ask for
HAPPY EFFIN NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL
i miss every one im really considereing the moving to boston thing in 6 months just gotta look at colleges and shit
just made a crazy italian dinner
my whole family knows im married now they took it pretty welll was just pissed they didnt get drunk for free
im drunk now hahaha
why cuz my husband is 23
peace out bean sprout more actually funny stories when im sober
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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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3:23 pm - getting fucking hitched
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so yeah getting married tomorrow mother fuckers.
next time you see me i'll be mrs kaylin ann wilson-papows
yeah i kept the wilson so my name could be longer
but you can call me mrs.papows
oh man im fucking stoked
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Thursday, December 8th, 2005
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2:44 pm - when my walls fall down will you be standing there?
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mmmmm i miss home so bad!
and im totally head over heals for papows.
i pretty much stay at his place more then i do my own.
cuz once i see him i cant leave him.
he's giving me keys to his place.
he wants us to move to boston at the end of the school year.
i i think that would make me the happiest person in the world.
to move back home and be with him.
and after i get my 2yr degree or whatever i will live abroad for a bit then go back to boston.
i dyed my hair brown and got the style changed.
im all sexified.
attention its time to boycot dennys!!! they only have buttermilk pancakes and what the fuck is up with that???
aww man went to a buffet the other day ate 7 plates of food then stole all the cookies they had and ate them while watching big machines rip a building down.
i have become very unmotivated in school. in fact im procrastinating right now to write this.
the original coffee boy seems very bitter twards me.
went to an art exhibit at school it was so cool.
i wish i was artsy.
papows said hes nervous to meet my nh people cuz we all do drugs and he doesnt and he doesnt want you guys not to like him. but youll all fucking love him.
a small part of me dies every day i dont talk to someone from nh.
i've been writing alot of poetry.
pondering over pancakes with papows - i think it should be a song name
shit nigga damn ill slam you in a van im out -k
current mood: giggly
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Monday, November 28th, 2005
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3:00 pm - if you could just open your hand i would have my heart back
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i wish i hadnt come back to new york. i had such a good time in mass/nh
tattoos, whiskey, poetry readings, red arrow, bickfords, newbury comics, friends, mechanical dogs that hump my legs, hiding under coffee tables, drugs, free cd's, massive amounts of coffee, turkey in a trailor.... fuck yeah i had a stupenous time.
i think the best part was forgetting i ate a brownie and being really fucked up and wondering what was wrong with me.
went on my first date with papows. it was amazing. we went to this japanese restraunt were they cook the food in front of you and juggle and what not. it was super rad.
got a 47 on my math test i suck.
kinda got rid of my stalker
going to die my hair red then gonna go get drunk
over and out
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Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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12:23 am - yiiiiiiiiiipppppppiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee
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i will be in nh in less then 24 hrs!!!! how fucking excited am i? words dont even describe. not to mention i will have a beautiful boy with a mohawk in my car. who happens to b my sould mate and i will make this very clear to him on my trip. what r the chances this guy would b going to mass the same week as me? and what r the chances fate would hurl a brick at his car so he couldnt drive it before he hit the through way? and what r the chances that this guy just happens to b really cool and we have 1hr phone conversations and we all know i dont have the time for that.
but also what r the chances that this guy is moving to la in a month and i will a in la in a month to visit sergio. oh and he happens to b boarding in colerado the month after that and were will i be then? in denver visiting my mom. there are just so many coincidences.
ok i need bed.
i lveo everyone and everything and i cant wait to be home. oh what a wonderful word home.
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